ants, bees and honey…

and on the bright side

There are nights I want to tear our house down, light our memories on fire and throw my wedding ring in the ocean. There are days when tears catch me off guard in public. There are a thousand songs I skip on the radio. There are shows and movies I quickly move through. In every moment, whether buried or just under the surface, I cannot escape the hanging injustice that sits in my soul or the heavy grief of a lost ideal or illusion of the love I thought I had found.

It’s been a month since I killed myself. It’s been a month since I’ve seen her face. Heard her laugh. A month since the hospital. A month since I was puking off the side of the hospital bed with a catheter shoved up my ass. My days spent triumphant or questioning my reality or both. I apologize to…

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